I know I have been a BAD blogger. I haven't even opened my blogger account since before the Christmas holiday. Not only was I feeling a bit lost on the inspiration front of things to share on this little corner of the web, I simply just didn't have the energy to write about little things I usually do. I felt my mind was heavy with the task at hand of trying to get pregnant. The thought of of writing about light hearted things such as travel, fashion, home design and anything else for that matter just felt insignificant to what we have been going through. So life lately has been all about self care, physically & mentally. Taking time the time to get myself ready physically and mentally for our next step in the IVF process.
Right before the holiday we found out that out of the five embryos we had sent for genetic testing only one came back chromosomally viable. Two had to be retested and one of those two was lost in the thawing out process {which really bites}. So come the new year right around the date when our first pregnancy would have been due I started the next round of medicine to get my body ready for our frozen embryo transfer of our one & only healthy embryo. In the month of prepping my body there has been several invasive and sometimes very painful exams making sure my uterus is a nice home for a baby, several medicines to help the process and even a few tearful break downs of my part trying to manage the stress and pressure of it all. We took a quick getaway out of the city to Vermont to try to relax and decompress, I have been practicing yoga, continuing my weekly soul cycle addiction, fertility acupuncture & reading all I can to make sure that I am literally doing everything I can to be my healthiest come transfer day.
Despite a few setbacks that had us nervous we would have to start all over. Today we got our instructions and Wednesday morning we are transferring our little embryo baby into my womb and I am having ALL the emotions. While I am so excited to have made it to this step of the process {I never thought I would have}, I also am terrified of the thawing out process failing us {again}, frightened that it overall won't work and I will have to start this long ass process all over again. Frustrated that I will have to wait a couple weeks to find out if it worked, nervous that if I am pregnant that I will miscarry again. The list goes on and on. The amount of fear I feel weighs so heavy on my mind and my heart but I'm really trying to focus on all the positives in our favor and knowing I did everything I could to make this a successful cycle.
So while the blog will be taking the back seat for a little while, I do appreciate all the support I have been given from friends, family & the people I don't know personally but have reached out through the blog, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your calls, texts, emails & well wishes. It feels like a big virtual hug knowing we have such a great cheering section rooting us on our path to parenthood. I hope to update you all next month with some good news!
